To Encourage Social Distancing, a City Covers Its Park With Chicken Poop


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In this Dec. 9, 2013 image released by the Sesame Workshop, singer Janelle Monae, left, and character Big Bird appear in a scene from the “Power of Yet” sketch at Kaufman-Astoria Studios in the Astoria neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York. Sesame Street continues to attract millions of viewers after 45 years on the air, appealing to both preschoolers and their parents with content that is educational and entertaining. The show has kept up with the times by making its segments faster-paced, by fine-tuning messages, and by keeping a steady flow of appearances by contemporary celebrity guests. The show first aired Nov. 10, 1969. (AP Photo/Sesame Workshop, Richard Termine)

 

During this COVID-19 craziness, Sweden’s getting some sizable tips of the hat.

In lieu of taking a Gavin Newsom approach, the Northern European Nordic nation’s gone down — in the words of RedState’s Bonchie — “the path of moderate social distancing, reasonable restrictions, and keeping the most vulnerable populations protected. They [haven’t closed] schools or restaurants, nor [have] they spread panic throughout the ordeal.”

Good job, Swedes.

I’d like to commend ’em on something else, too: their inventiveness.

You’re probably unaware, but Thursday night — the last evening in April — is Walpurgis Night.

WN is a spring festival with roots in pagan tradition, and it brings out the rowdy crowds, Jack!

I mean…Sven!

But what about the coronavirus? Social distancing’s still a must.

To put it in poultry parlance (please pardon me), sure, some folks will be too chickensh– to get together in a big place like the city of Lund’s central park. But what about the non-chickensh– celebrants?

Well, the city came up with a deterrent: Chicken sh–.

As reported by UPI, Lund officials announced they’d be dumping more than a ton of rooster and hen feces onto the popular park in order to deter those Walpurgis warriors too amped up to help themselves.

Gustav Lundblad — chair of the Lund council’s environmental committee — told the Sydsvenskan newspaper all those peckers’ poop will serve multiple purposes:

“We get the opportunity to fertilize the lawns, and at the same time it will stink and so it may not be so nice to sit and drink beer in the park.”

#Genius

So if you’re reading this from Lund and you’re about to head out to tie one on in the park, you might wanna reconsider. Or wear rain boots. And nose clips — under your N95 mask.

Boots aside, the same advice goes for any nearby residents eyeing a social-distanced stroll through the neighborhood.

Gustav admitted he’s no expert:

“I am not a fertilizer expert, but as I understand it, it is clear that it might smell a bit outside the park as well. These are chicken droppings, after all. I cannot guarantee that the rest of the city will be odorless. But the point is to keep people out of the city park.”

Well. That stinks.

If he seeks greater expertise, given the stories coming out of California lately, some may suggest Gustav consult an American master of poop — not of the chicken variety, but bull:

-ALEX

 

See 3 more pieces from me:

Cruel, Cruel Summer: A California County Outlaws More Than One Swimmer Per Pool – No Matter How Large

California’s Pandemic Police Tell Beached Senior Citizens They’re Not Allowed to Sit in Chairs

Gonging Gavin: An American Liberties Group Sues California’s Governor for Violating Citizens’ 1st and 14th Amendment Rights

Find all my RedState work here.

And please follow Alex Parker on Twitter and Facebook.

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